Thursday, December 13, 2007

So excited!

This headline from the San Francisco Chronicle was like an early Christmas gift:

Batboy key to report, breakthrough for Mitchell

Alas, turns out they're not talking about Batboy after all... just baseball. Now, so disappointed...

Turns out I'm not the only one. Shocking News from the North Pole: More and more Americans, even kids, don't get the satisfaction they expect from their Christmas gifts. Turns out that when Mommy takes a second job to buy the kids matching mini-Hummers, it really doesn't improve life that much...

In an innovative strategy combining No Child Left Behind with unprecedented Corporate subsidies, Americans can substitute time, care, and attention with imported Chinese stuff for a Low Low Introductory Credit Rates. Now more than ever, good parents—and good patriots—spend, spend, spend!

Or DON'T. Please don't. End of sermon by Reverend Whackamole. I'll yield the pulpit to Reverend Billy, from the Church of Stop Shopping. Today's reading from the Book of Visa: "What Would Jesus Buy?"

God bless us, every one.

2 comments:

Noelle Aguayo said...

Jesus would buy fair trade goods, but only if he needed them. What, you think he'd buy food for the hungry? No, sister. He'd simply break some non GMO veggie burgers in half and they would mystically multiply to feed the masses!

Alleluhia for Reverend Whackamole and Reverend Billy, Amen!

Phelan said...

More and more Americans, even kids, don't get the satisfaction they expect from their Christmas gifts.

I say they need to get over it. We bought nothing electronic for our boys this year, all old school toys, and ya know, they love it. They are very happy and have been palying no stop since they opened the first gift. I feel bad for those moms that take another job to buy those mini hummers. Their kids will always be ungrateful little brats.